Where am I going? What’s going to happen to me? I can’t see the future like I thought I could. Why do I mess things up so much? How can I get straight A’s and have plenty of common sense but NEVER USE IT??? I don’t want to be an engineer. I hate the idea. I guess it doesn’t matter; it’s a job and they’re not always fun. But I want to have something fun when it’s over, and I honestly don’t know if I’ll have that. And I’m taking engineering so that I can support myself if I don’t get married. So, I won’t have much fun at home and I won’t have fun at work. And even if I did have fun at work, I’d rather have it switched around. I was so sure about what would happen; and now I’m not. I’m okay. Just tired, I guess. I have enough reason to be, at least. I’m not making a huge deal out of nothing in that respect. (I’m not even making a huge deal about it.)
If I had the chance to see the future, would I take it, no matter how bad the future could be? I don’t know. I wish I did. I think I would, just out of curiosity. But it wouldn’t be good, either way. Either the future is good, and I go crazy waiting for it, or it’s bad, and thinking about it makes me wish I were dead, or at least asleep for a good long time. But then, since when have I done things the easy way? Everything my parents have told me, I’ve tried for myself. Well, except for the obvious ones like, “If you jump off a cliff, you will die.” I’m not that stupid.