I had a really awful dream last night. Have you ever seen The Proposal? Well, I saw it last night, and the dream was like an alternate ending. Margaret and Andrew were arguing in her office, which was empty. For some reason, there was a rope tied to her neck. I didn’t really notice that though, until soft, scary, thumping music started playing, and I saw that the rope was tied to the door, and there was his ex-girlfriend behind it. (It didn’t look like the ex in the movie, but I knew it was all the same.
Just when they reached the height of their argument (I don’t even know what it was about) she slammed the door. Margaret’s neck broke, and she fell on the floor. The ex-GF had pulled the rope outside the door, and she dragged Margaret across the carpet until her head hit the door. She was still gasping for air when Andrew rushed over. He pulled her up and cradled her as the screen faded. I didn’t see anything else, but I know she died.
My cousin who’s stationed in Afghanistan saw something really horrible the other day. Somehow an enemy managed to sneak a truck over the lines and he blew it up. Kyle (my cousin) heard the explosion and walked out ot his tent to see what was going on, and as he did that, a spine hit the tent. I don’t even want to think about it, although I suppose if I’m going to join the military I’ll have to get used to it.

Well, she died two nights ago. My mom came downstairs crying while we were watching a movie, and said that she had died. It was a little weird after that, because I have no idea what to do with crying people, but it turned out I didn’t have to do anything. She called her sister and a couple other people, and I just let her be. Maybe you think I’m insensitive. Maybe I am. But I cannot handle crying family members. I don’t like it when friends cry either, but I know what to do at least. And I never know what to do when people die.
I’m probably going to the memorial service with my aunt. My mom doesn’t want to go. Frankly, I don’t either. I don’t like funerals or memorials, and like I said before, I feel uncomfortable around crying people. And I wouldn’t be crying and my aunt is sure to say something regarding that. I feel like I should go though. I’m going to feel pretty awkward.
My grandparents are coming here tonight. They’re visiting their daughter for thanksgiving, and they’re stopping here on the way, so what with my mom obsessing over the house and crying over her old schoolmate, this house has been a little nuts. I’m glad the day is almost over. They should be here any minute.

An old teacher of mine is dying. I won’t say that I knew her very well. I liked her as far as I did. She’s got pancreatic cancer, and it’s getting very painful. The doctors said she doesn’t have much longer. So she decided that she doesn’t want any more treatment, and she’s going off chemo. It’s a little strange to think that she’s just letting herself die. Jordan challenged me to differ with that while we were on the phone. I wonder if, being in that much pain, I would just give up. I don’t think I would. I guess I can’t say and be believed until it happens to me. Frankly I hope it doesn’t. But I think if I were about to die, I would do everything I could. I would absolutely refuse to die. Every time I felt myself slipping away, I would force myself to stay alive. Die hanging on with everything I had if I died at all.
It’s not that I’m scared to die. I’m not. It’s one of the things that scares me the least out of everything. But I’ve got things to do, places to be, people to see, and I don’t want to die. I haven’t done half enough yet.
Thinking about the stuff I’m gonna do someday kinda cheers me up. But still, the whole thing sucks.

I went driving for the first time last night. Let me say two things before I go on: No matter what I did, I (1). stayed on the road, and (2). I didn’t hit anything. (I almost did both, but I just missed it, so that’s beside the point.
On one of the sharp turns, I didn’t slow down enough, and I had to turn without stopping. It was night, and the high beams were on, (it was my first time! I’ll get it one of these days!) and there was a car coming and I’m half on his side of the road. He’s getting brighted and this monstrous vehicle is coming towards him, and he looks pissed!
But I didn’t crash into him, and he didn’t turn around and follow us to get his revenge. And I had fun. And I’m going driving again tonight. World, watch out.

After two days of strenuous study of that danged drivers handbook, I finally got my drivers permit.

Well, he’s alive, and lucky to be that way. He’s being grumpy now. And you would think after this, he would try to get healthy. (He’s fat, he smokes, and eats an amount of junk food that makes me look like a health freak.) But no, now he thinks he’s invincible. They had to use the defibrillators on him, and he thinks that since he lived through it, he can live through anything. Sometimes he makes me wanna swear, ’cause he’s such an ***.

I’m pissed. I don’t know why. My grandpa was just admitted to the hospital. They think he had a heart attack or an SVT. That’s no reason to be mad. Worried maybe, but not mad. But I’m mad enough to hit things and throw things. And I hate hospitals. Everything is clean and white (which is bad enough) and yet it smells. (Which is also bad.) And they have sick people, and people cry in there, and I can’t stand crying people. It’s worse than almost anything else.
So now we gotta wait for my mom to call us to see how he is. ****! I hate waiting.