Uggh, I can’t freakin’ sleep!!! It’s late!!! I need to go to bed. But, since I magically happen to be on here instead,
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Okay, the moment I wrote that (last night) I got bored with it. And I think I’m getting bored with this one.
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Hour and a half later…
I think maybe I’ll keep working on this all day and see where it goes. I’ll post it before I go to bed. Sound good? It better.
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10:27 PM (hours later)
I think I messed up. I feel like an idiot. I don’t often mess up in something that can’t be fixed, but I might have this time. Even if I didn’t, this is something I don’t know how to fix. I’ll be walking blindly the whole way. Hope I step right.
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11:11 PM – I am making a wish. I don’t normally; I don’t believe in fate; I’m a Christian. But I just thought I’d say that I wish I could somehow make this right.
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8:02 AM the next morning
Ha, I fell asleep without posting this. Suffice it to say, however, that I went to bed a little more hopeful than that last bit (see above) sounded.

This is ridiculous. This is going to be a disorganized post, I can already tell.
Well. My parents are flipping out about curfew. SO WHAT if I got back at 1 in the morning. It was just THIS ONE TIME. I’m back at fucking ten at night most of the time. Just give me a fucking key to the house already. I’m a fucking adult; just give a me a key and I’ll come home at midnight most of the time. I have no problem letting you know when I’ll be home. I just don’t want you to dictate my entire fucking life.
Also, drop it with the school shit. I got straight A’s last quarter. I’m organized, I work hard, and I’m smart. Now that I’ve got a little money coming in, you think that’s going to change. I realize how much you have to pay for school, but please realize I ALSO HAVE A LIFE. I have to pay for gas and for the occasional frivolity. If paying for college is bothering you so much, don’t. At least it leaves me free to leave this place.
Seriously though, what do I have to do to prove I’m responsible? The slightest mistake seems to be enough cause for your distrust. I don’t sleep around, I’m not lazy, I don’t do drugs, smoke, or get drunk every fucking night. What am I really doing wrong?
Also, Kevin, I think your girlfriend is just fine. But I don’t think she should be your girlfriend. She’s lazy, immature, and you two are fucking attached at the hip. Sometimes I want to talk to just you about all this shit, but I don’t want to have her input because in my mind, it’s not worth anything. But because she’s always around, I can’t. I hate it. Stop acting like such a fucking jackass whenever you have a girlfriend. You two are so damn close that there’s no room for me. So I will no longer be a fucking third wheel; from now on if you two are the only ones available, I’ll stay at home.
That was more organized than I thought it would be.

I made it into the honors program! There’s a slight scheduling conflict with a TKD tournament and the retreat that they have for the Honors Freshmen, but oh well, I’ll figure it out. (As in, tournament wins any day of the week.)

I wish, just for ONCE, that there was no drama in this world. Just for a week or so. Yes, I’ll get bored and probably do something freakishly stupid, thereby causing the drama for next week. But I really need time to get my head together.

Well, on one side of my life, we find the good stuff. I’m busy. I’m cleaning and finding small jobs and applying for scholarships. I’m also going to go see Sean this Monday. I think I like Xavier, and it appears that he likes me. School starts soon, and I’m one of those weird people who likes school. My life is moving along.
On the other side of my life, we find (surprise, surprise) the bad stuff. I’m restless. I’m fidgety. I’m bored. I need more. This part of the world isn’t enough for me anymore. I want to just pack up and leave indefinitely; leave a note for my family and send a text to my friends that I’ll see them again when I come back. Why do I have to love home so much when I want to leave it so badly??? It’s like there’s a million different sides of me. I thought I only had two – the public side and the private side. But now, the public and private sides of me are merging and I’m finding other sides. I have this weird, shy side that comes out only rarely, the impulsive side which would throw caution to the wind, and the party-pooper side which tells my impulsive to hold on the caution. Needless to say, I like that side the least.
On a side note, I just looked at flights to Ireland. Probably won’t go there anytime soon, but maybe next summer. Makes me feel just a little better about my stagnant life.

Well, the tournament was good. I sucked in patterns and breaking – never even got to use my hands for breaking – but I’m on such a high from the sparring portion that I don’t even care. I got first in sparring, and damn it, I earned it this time. I beat a 2nd Dan for it. One of the 5th Dans said – and I quote – “I see you winning at national level.” Also, I got two minus points for excessive contact. No one else got more than one. Dammit, I shouldn’t be so proud of that. But I think I did well.

Kinda like my life. If nothing else, I’m rarely bored. No, I don’t mean it’s full of drama. Not anymore at least, thank goodness. That was just a mess. Nope, now I’m getting back in shape, getting ready for school, and… I’m seeing someone. I shall refer to him on here – assuming I ever refer to him at all – as the One Whom I Am Seeing. Or Xavier. Yes, he looks and acts like a Xavier. Whatever it is that Xaviers act like. Plus I always liked the name. Aiie, I’m starved.
Kevin, you were right – cats are the devil’s spawn. I say this right after chasing the worst of them out of the laundry basket. I’m sure that tomorrow, I’ll think about them and say, oh, they’re not that bad; soft, furry, purry, sweet, etc. Waaaaiiit… no, tomorrow, I’ll be too busy to think about cats. I’m gonna see Sean AND there’s a tournament!!! My hand is pretty much all better. I wish I could describe how much I love competition. There’s nothing like it. Grrr, I need to go switch out the laundry.
So pumped for tomorrow though… don’t know why. I think maybe I’m ready for this one.

My hand is NOT broken! Tournament this weekend, where I intend to kick ass. WML.

I kinda wish I’d had a broken bone before. Be so much easier. I can’t afford to mess up a hand when I’m in TKD, and if it’s broken, I need to know so I can get it fixed. Fucking hand. Wouldn’t let me sleep last night, hardly.

My hand is freaking killing me; I think I might have broken it. I did an impromptu 2-tile break tonight, and now it hurts to move my fingers. It’s not easy to type with one hand. But that was one of the most awesome breaks that I’ve ever done.
I also turned in the application for the Honors Program. Now I’m absolutely certain it wasn’t good enough. Who knows if I’m just freaking out unnecessarily or if my concern is actually legitimate.
Hate this hand.