I swear I feel like I’m in a dream. I want to wake up.
I’m tired; I really need to sleep, and I don’t think I will right now, because I’m weird like that.
Pssh. I’m ridiculous.

How did I get so spoiled? UGGH! Enough of it. It’s way past time to get over it.

I am completely obsessed with this song right now: Policy of Truth – Depeche Mode
I’m also obsessed with palm trees, iced tea, sugar, books, and Beauty and the Beast. I’m crazy, I’m mad, I’m insane, and judging from this last, I’m a little redundant. I’m a tangled mass of contradictions. I’m not right. And I love it.

It’s 6:30 in the morning… I’m about to go to school. Holy crap, what have I gotten myself into?

GAAH! Math final tomorrow and I’m not done studying!!! I don’t want to do this I don’t want to do this I don’t frickin want to do this… damn I have to do this I have to do this I’m GOING to do this OHYOUSTUPIDMATHTEST!!!

What a ridiculous thing it is that I’m doing. What a pile of ridiculous things. A great monstrous heap.
I am an intelligent person. It’s not vain to say so, I don’t think. I’m pretty smart. BUT I DO THE MOST IDIOTIC THINGS!!!!!

So, for next quarter, I have a speech class taught by what I’ve heard is a very fun and interesting teacher (early in the morning, of course), a computer science class taught by a woman who has been compared to a machine gun, a calculus class that my dad said is worth more credits than they give it, a history class continuing along the same lines as the last two quarters, and a weight class specifically designed to give my muscles excruciating pain. Should be an interesting quarter.

*shuts eyes tight and covers them*
What are you doing?
Being un-scared.
Is it working?
Yes.
Are you sure?
Positive.
*pauses* What if it stops working?
It won’t.
Are you sure?
Not quite.
You don’t sound very certain.
I am.
You didn’t sound certain.
I’m absolutely, positively, and in every imaginable way certain.
You weren’t a second ago.
Yes, I was.
No, you –
YES, I WAS!!!

Why am I so obsessed with perfection, but so far from it? Why I can’t ever do anything perfectly? I assure you it’s not for lack of trying. Well, sometimes it is. Wouldn’t it suck if the times I didn’t try quite as hard as I could are the only times I could get it right? Heck, for all I know, everything – as soon I decide to do my absolute best – conspires secretly to do all in its power to prevent perfection. That’s a rather disappointing thought. My imaginary balloon just deflated.
My stubbornness got the better of me again. I am again taking a large number of credits – even though this quarter has been hell. (Well, not really hell, but very busy.) This time it’s 20 credits. We’ll see how that works out. Needless to say, the comments of Kevin and my parents regarding my sanity and reason have been relatively ignored.

Don’t ya hate it when the world ends?