It was too cloudy to watch a sunrise this morning. So I went back to bed, woke up again at 7:30, and for the next half hour debated whether or not to get up. And then I got up. What a waste of good sleeping time.
It’s still cloudy, and very gloomy out my front window, but almost on top of us there’s this huge patch of blinding sun. It’s almost white. Really cool.
Not anymore. It’s hours later and it’s dead black outside. At least I think it would be if I looked. But I don’t feel like it right now. Oh, here’s the song I was talking about yesterday. Happy Birthday – Flipsyde
And I’ve decided to stay here next year for college. Well, not at home, but in this area. So everything’s good. All figured out. 🙂

I really should be going to bed. I’m tired. But that’s no reason. I’m always tired. No, I should be going to bed because there’s nothing else to do. Except (oh yes) mountains of homework and studying for the SAT. Obviously I’ve decided that I’m not going to bed yet. I can’t really think of anything. So I guess I’ll just ramble. Ramble ramble ramble. That makes me sound brilliant. I don’t like pale nail polish. Too girly. My sister is standing behind me, probably reading what I’m writing. Go away. Knives were an incredible invention. I love knives. They are sharp. They are dangerous. They are mine. We were made for eachother. I hate that this computer doesn’t have speakers. You can’t listen to music on it. Although this is my mom’s computer so I shouldn’t be on here anyway. Oops. I like sunrises. I rarely get up early enough to see them (and of course at this time of year it’s usually cloudy anyway) but I love them. Maybe I’ll get up early tomorrow just to watch one from my front step. If it’s cloudy I can always go to bed. I like that one song by Flipsyde: Happy Birthday. It’s a very sweet song. Sad too. I’m never going to get an abortion. Even I am not that stupid. Goodnight.

I’m tired. I don’t know what to think. Everything is screwed up. I’m pretty much happy, except that I like to know things and I don’t know this. What, you didn’t expect me to actually say what I was thinking, did you? People actually read this. Well, not many, but enough. Like my parents. So, yeah, not saying a word. Deal with it.
Go ahead. Pretend it really bugs you. I have a sadistic streak in me that will enjoy watching you pretend to suffer.
I guess I’m going to college next year. The idea feels weird. I don’t what to do about that. Originally I was going to do every year at a different college. Now I’m not sure. I have friends here. Good friends. I’m just starting to have a social life, and you want me to leave it next year? (More specifically, I want me to leave it next year. Or at least I thought I did.)
Okay, so I said I was happy. Now I’m not. Funny how I can talk myself into being upset.
Simple problem, you would think. Not even a problem, really. Just stay here. Uh-huh. You keep thinking. Maybe someday you’ll realize you don’t know everything. Who are you anyway? Who am I talking to? Oh, myself, that’s right. Goodbye, myself. You’re getting on my nerves.

Ahh, I’m finally back home. There are spiders instead of ants, the house is wonderfully frigid, and I can get to my email!!!!!

My head is aching.
My stomach is too full for words.
My world is madness.
I’m staying at my grandma’s for a week. (Actually, the week’s almost up.) I thought it was gonna rock. It doesn’t. It’s always hot inside and cold outside. I used to work out all the time at home. At home, I have to work out to stay warm. Here, I got to about three push-ups before I started sweating. There is ALWAYS a TV on. The only place where I can get time to think is in the bathroom, and with 6 – 7 people around, I don’t get to stay in there long. I haven’t been able to talk to ANY of my friends since sunday. (I miss them. :-() I measure my time by the ants I kill. 3-ant days. 12-ant days. 137-ant days. There haven’t been any 3-ant days yet. I’m just using it as an example.
And up until today, there was no internet (although I still can’t email because of complications).
At least I’m going home tomorrow. I’ve NEVER been homesick until now. I miss the cold, and the cats, and the aloneness, and the fact that I could go outside without getting ragged on by anyone.
I did get to go to Taekwon-Do last night though. I’ve missed that so bad.
Signing off, Bridget.