Just Thinking…
Just another WordPress weblog
Jan
29.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel rather alone here. I suppose I am making friends. But I don’t belong here. I can’t put my finger on what’s wrong, but something is. I want to go home. I can’t tell Teddy that – it will hurt and/or scare him. I can’t tell my friends that because they will just say “Then come HOME!” They won’t understand what keeps me here. I don’t understand what keeps me here. I just don’t think I can leave him here to face this by himself. Whether I’m right about him or not, I don’t know that I’m capable of hurting someone like that.
At least I hope to God I’m not.
But I’m scared, and lonely, and I sometimes just want to run. I shouldn’t be feeling that way. Stupid brain.


I don’t fit in here. I don’t think anyone understands me. Not even my fiance.
Do you remember Teddy? We’re engaged now, as of about a month ago. I just moved halfway across the country to live with him and his family (I cannot stress how temporary this living situation is) and now I’m trying to set up new routines. But I’m lonely. I miss my friends. Nobody here understands the importance of coffee. It’s weird that I go running. I’m too goody-two-shoes for his brother and too bad-girl for his mom. And he seems different. I fell in love with him when he was motivated. He did things. He was in school and trying hard; he went mountain-climbing; he was heading somewhere. Now he’s lazy. No way around it. And I love him, but it drives me crazy.



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