An old teacher of mine is dying. I won’t say that I knew her very well. I liked her as far as I did. She’s got pancreatic cancer, and it’s getting very painful. The doctors said she doesn’t have much longer. So she decided that she doesn’t want any more treatment, and she’s going off chemo. It’s a little strange to think that she’s just letting herself die. Jordan challenged me to differ with that while we were on the phone. I wonder if, being in that much pain, I would just give up. I don’t think I would. I guess I can’t say and be believed until it happens to me. Frankly I hope it doesn’t. But I think if I were about to die, I would do everything I could. I would absolutely refuse to die. Every time I felt myself slipping away, I would force myself to stay alive. Die hanging on with everything I had if I died at all.
It’s not that I’m scared to die. I’m not. It’s one of the things that scares me the least out of everything. But I’ve got things to do, places to be, people to see, and I don’t want to die. I haven’t done half enough yet.
Thinking about the stuff I’m gonna do someday kinda cheers me up. But still, the whole thing sucks.